Let go!
This theme has been shoved in my face today (and in
preceding days). Stop trying to 'fix it' for others.
I keep catching myself taking responsibility for others – a pattern
I thought I’d mostly resolved – but clearly not as I am revisiting it again lately.
Each time I try – it all falls apart in a big way. It makes me slightly mad
that I have spent so much time and trouble only to find out those involved don’t
really appreciate it. And in reality...it is not my place to fix anything for anyone else...so mostly the anger I feel is directed at myself for being such a dimwit.
Sheesh…constantly shooting myself in the foot hurts like
hell. It’s like reopening a closing wound – being obsessive
compulsive. Man, I gotta let go.
Note to self from Self: STOP TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR OTHERS. I need
to get it into my slightly thick skull.
The current energy definitely does not support this kind of behaviour.
My archetype is that of ‘logical organiser’ – I DO things –
a very masculine trait. As much as I love to say I am becoming more feminine
and simply BEing…hmm…
I can see that my inner masculine is slightly out of kilter,
as the best thermometer I could have is telling me so. Who or what is the ‘thermometer’?
My reality around me – in other words my relationships with
everything in my life…full stop…plain and simple.
I now have to figure out how to be supportive but not
interfere in everything I am and walk a fine line between the two.
My inner masculine is struggling to understand where he fits
in. My feminine should be supporting him and holding a safe space…but she is having
difficulty doing so. The two of them are jostling inside.
These two out of kilter aspects are showing up in my reality
and my intimate relationship which seems both easier and more difficult in
these intense times. It is easier to see the pattern and yet being caught in
the deeper core issues are so much more concentrated…and tiring.
The depth of love I feel for hubby is beyond anything I have
ever felt before and because of its – I don’t think intensity is a good word – strength
and power is probably a better explanation – I find it catapulting me into penetratingly
strong negative emotions before catapulting me out into understanding. It is
the intensity of this rollercoaster that is exhausting me/us.
On a deep level I understand and feel everything he feels
but it’s his confusion that completely floors me at times and I feel my masculine rushing to the fore, which sparks a retaliatory reaction from him. Like two countries going to war.
This is an entity who has walked into a 52 year old body with
its own prejudices, controls and ideas. The body is slowly but surely changing to
adapt to the new entity whose personality is starting to shine through as more
of him is integrating and anchoring in the body.
But he is still in the throes of the confusion of figuring
out his place in this harsh 3D density as well as bringing through his far more
profound insights that the body rejects outright without even considering it.
This is something the previous entity used to do. It’s a pattern that I get
involved in. What makes it harder is disentangling what his body feels from my
stuff.
He keeps saying he is confused - geez man, ya don’t say, eh?
Me too :-)
We will get through it – of that I have no doubt. Me and his
inner feminine will continue to try and hold the space for him and my inner
masculine as we work our way through this together.
It seems everything must go. Hehe…sounds like a clearance
sale!
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