Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

There's that word 'control'...again

Let go! 

This theme has been shoved in my face today (and in preceding days). Stop trying to 'fix it' for others.

I keep catching myself taking responsibility for others – a pattern I thought I’d mostly resolved – but clearly not as I am revisiting it again lately. Each time I try – it all falls apart in a big way. It makes me slightly mad that I have spent so much time and trouble only to find out those involved don’t really appreciate it. And in reality...it is not my place to fix anything for anyone else...so mostly the anger I feel is directed at myself for being such a dimwit.

Sheesh…constantly shooting myself in the foot hurts like hell. It’s like reopening a closing wound – being obsessive compulsive. Man, I gotta let go.

Note to self from Self: STOP TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR OTHERS. I need to get it into my slightly thick skull.

The current energy definitely does not support this kind of behaviour.

My archetype is that of ‘logical organiser’ – I DO things – a very masculine trait. As much as I love to say I am becoming more feminine and simply BEing…hmm…

I can see that my inner masculine is slightly out of kilter, as the best thermometer I could have is telling me so. Who or what is the ‘thermometer’?

My reality around me – in other words my relationships with everything in my life…full stop…plain and simple.

I now have to figure out how to be supportive but not interfere in everything I am and walk a fine line between the two.

My inner masculine is struggling to understand where he fits in. My feminine should be supporting him and holding a safe space…but she is having difficulty doing so. The two of them are jostling inside.

These two out of kilter aspects are showing up in my reality and my intimate relationship which seems both easier and more difficult in these intense times. It is easier to see the pattern and yet being caught in the deeper core issues are so much more concentrated…and tiring.

The depth of love I feel for hubby is beyond anything I have ever felt before and because of its – I don’t think intensity is a good word – strength and power is probably a better explanation – I find it catapulting me into penetratingly strong negative emotions before catapulting me out into understanding. It is the intensity of this rollercoaster that is exhausting me/us.

On a deep level I understand and feel everything he feels but it’s his confusion that completely floors me at times and I feel my masculine rushing to the fore, which sparks a retaliatory reaction from him. Like two countries going to war.

This is an entity who has walked into a 52 year old body with its own prejudices, controls and ideas. The body is slowly but surely changing to adapt to the new entity whose personality is starting to shine through as more of him is integrating and anchoring in the body. 

But he is still in the throes of the confusion of figuring out his place in this harsh 3D density as well as bringing through his far more profound insights that the body rejects outright without even considering it. This is something the previous entity used to do. It’s a pattern that I get involved in. What makes it harder is disentangling what his body feels from my stuff.

He keeps saying he is confused - geez man, ya don’t say, eh? Me too :-)

We will get through it – of that I have no doubt. Me and his inner feminine will continue to try and hold the space for him and my inner masculine as we work our way through this together.

It seems everything must go. Hehe…sounds like a clearance sale!

No comments: