Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Monday, 8 November 2010


Groan. Life can be such a bitch at times. I’ve just had the worst five days ever. It all started on Wednesday. I’d done a night shift Tuesday night and spent most of the day on Wednesday in bed. Mostly I have difficulty staying in bed to catch up on my eight hours and land up sleeping from 8 until approximately 12 and then maybe having a nap in the afternoon. But...that day I had no energy. I stayed in bed and slept and slept and slept. Thursday I had to get up to go to work (during the day). When I woke in the morning I felt awful. Still really tired and my back was aching. I dragged myself through the day. It wasn’t too bad actually. If I was focused on something I forgot about my painful body but as soon as I sat down to rest it all came back with a vengeance.

Thursday night was the worst. Fire-like pains ran through my body and underneath it all a deep, deep bone ache. I was in agony and so very, very tired but I couldn’t sleep. The pain was too much. Friday morning I took a painkiller and got about four hours sleep. I remained in bed all day Friday. The bone ache was uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter how you shift it remains.

This continued through Saturday, except that Saturday morning I was determined to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Hubby very gallantly walked with me. All we did was go to the library and Waitrose. Even this was too much. I had to leave Waitrose to sit on the benches outside the library cause I was sweating and wobbly. When I got home I was so exhausted I collapsed into bed for three hours and slept. I was aware of noises around me but I was so deep in a cocoon of peace I couldn’t bring myself out.

Today (Sunday) I’m feeling a lot better. I got up and pottered around but exhaustion took over again and here I am in bed with my laptop...tired. And to top it all I’ve lost my appetite. The thought of food nauseates me. Hubby has tried to tempt me with all kinds of things bringing up little treats but to no avail. My mainstay of food has been water and bananas. He made me scrambled eggs on Saturday – I had some of it but couldn’t finish it. That’s a real reflection of how bad I feel. I never turn down food. Well, very seldom. I love food.

But enough about how ill I’ve been and on to what has caused it.

My main focus for the last fifteen years has been to rid myself of clutter. Not just clutter in my exterior world but my interior world too. Emotional baggage that holds me back. A major clearing starts with little niggles, not quite feeling myself and slowly builds until a whopper hits me and then I'm laid low. Sometimes its a series of little illnesses sometimes one major one. It could take months. Each time I’ve cleared enough my body reaches a plateau and rests for a while to assimilate its new state. All goes well, I feel fabulous and new things come my way.

One occasion for example, I had a very bad dose of gastro together with a headache. I was very ill. I knew it was my body clearing toxins. When you clear emotional baggage it causes a chemical reaction within the body which then needs to be flushed out. It does it in a way that most of us hate – diarhoea, vomiting, colds, flu, etc. It was so bad that I passed out. It was just after that that I quit my job in the city with a law firm and started on a path to a new career – that of sleep technician.

This occasion I’d been involved in a ritual on the Monday night downloading courage. I’ve done a lot of things in my life that took courage so I figured it would be a doddle. You know what thought did...

So there we go. A detox to the nth degree. I know that once this is over I will be feeling great and will be moving on to something new. I don’t know what form it will take, we’ll have to wait and see. It’s really exciting and daunting at the same time.

Note to hubby: You’ve been really sweet and caring. I know you get so worried and distressed when I don’t want a doctor, because you feel so helpless and cannot ‘fix’ the problem. Sorry, sweetie.

I know you hate it when I won’t take drugs in any form. It’s not because I’m pigheaded but because I know that the drugs will suppress whatever is going on and will not allow the clearing process to finish.

I did take a painkiller. It is the one and only thing I will take. Sometimes the edge needs to be taken off something otherwise I land up being dragged deeper and deeper. I know that drugs have their place in the world, I’m not saying they’re bad. They can help someone who really needs it. But that person isn’t me -except maybe when I go to the dentist. I haven’t reached the stage where I can hypnotise myself into having no pain when a tooth is filled.

Finally I want to thank all my fellow technicians who have rallied around and taken the load off my shoulders when I should've been working. Thanks ladies, I'm truly grateful.

I now wait with bated breath for the next phase in my life.

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