Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 2 November 2010


Whilst doing the ironing I watched the opening of the Commonwealth Games in Delhi. I don’t do the ironing cause I’m a stereotypical wife. I do it because I have to iron my uniform for work and offered to do hubby’s shirts as well. For years hubby did his own shirt ironing cause being an ex-army man, like most older South African men, he irons far better than I do. I never lifted a finger to iron anything. Ever. Not even my kid’s clothes. I’m sure most mums would look at my children and feel quite sorry for them. Pffft, did I care? Not in the least and neither for that matter, did my kids. I offered on one occasion recently to iron their clothes and they both looked at me as though I was mad. Enough said.

Still, I work for the NHS and of course we need to make sure we look good. I suspect me coming to work in a rumpled uniform would give the patients a slight jolt and get them thinking that if I couldn’t iron my shirt, what was my care like?

But enough about ironing and on to the Commonwealth Games.

Initially, like most, I thought it was going to be a wash out. I don’t read the newspapers or watch much telly, so the only reason I know about things going on in the world is through hubby who is an avid newspaper reader and telly watcher. I’d heard about the horror of the collapse of a bridge, a ceiling and the grime surrounding the athlete’s village from him.

I, as a rule, don’t partake of the juicy news from the media because it deflects my attention. I concentrate on the energy of the world, specifically Africa and Western Europe. Why? Because I’m the Keeper of Balance for these two areas. How good would I be at what I do if I spent my life getting sucked into the drama? I’d never get anything done.

Now I know many of you are thinking, with confusion, she’s either lost it or she’s lost it. I’ve lost it. Never been part of the ‘real’ world. My hubby keeps me in the real world. He is my anchor while I fly and do strange things. Without him I’d be lost.

Our world is a world of duality and in this world of duality, hubby is my opposite. You know they always say ‘opposites attract’. Well, it is a definite in this case. He is so grounded in this reality he gets sucked into the dramas going on around the world. Is it a bad thing? No, I don’t think so. He gives me the information that I need whilst I’m working on a different level. Many of you mightn’t have a clue what I’m talking about, but I can’t help that. As things change you might understand.

It has taken me a long time to reach the state of balance that I have in my life. Many years ago I was fascinated by a lecture in which someone explained that our life is like a bicycle wheel. Each spoke represents a different part of our lives. They should all be equal. But, for most, it’s completely out of balance. For example, your working life might take up 60% of your day and life, your family 30% and if you’re lucky, 10% is devoted to you. For a lot of people, that 10% sliver for yourself is non-existent.

I’ve heard friends and acquaintances moan to me, "You’re lucky, your life is simple." That makes me angry. Sorry, I’ve not cleared that emotion yet. But hang, if I’d rolled over and played dead instead of constantly working on myself, I’d be in the same boat. I’m not lucky, just persistent. Despite everyone around me saying, ‘that’s weird and not acceptable’ I went ahead and did it on gut instinct alone. Who is anyone to tell me what to do? I knew it was right, and hubby supported me the whole way, despite not understanding what I was doing.

There have been two occasions when he became so angry he was white faced, and I mean white, which is difficult for him because he’s darkish skinned. Both occasions happened when he questioned what I was doing. My fault was that I’d gaily tripped ahead of myself without considering him. It really hurt me, as much as it hurt him and after those two occasions I learnt to cut back.

Was that wrong? No, because when you commit to a relationship there might be two individuals involved but the third individual is the relationship and therefore you need to consider all three. Does it stop you from reaching your full potential? No, it has been slower, but is that a bad thing? No, because if I’d flown higher, faster, I’d be worse off than I am now. How? Because I’d be living in cuckoo land and not able to relate to the human aspect of life.

Don’t get me wrong. We fight, we have stand up rip roaring fights. We haven’t yet resorted to throwing things at each other. We might not talk for days but once the balance is back to normal we kiss and make up. Hubby lives with his heart on his sleeve. You know exactly what he is thinking and feeling. He’s volatile and I suspect has a bit of Mediterranean blood in him. He calls a spade a ‘fucking shovel’. Rough diamond he is. But underneath is the kindest most sensitive soul you could meet. Find the right place in his heart and he’s yours for life. I’m the opposite. Practical, cool, quiet, calm until he winds me up, which isn’t often. My kids will tell you that I very seldom lose my temper but when I do – best to scatter until I calm down.

Is this an ode to hubby? Yes. No. Maybe. Hell, I don’t know.

Back to the Commonwealth Games and in part to the Football World Cup held in South Africa during June. Many, including myself, though it wasn’t a good thing to have these cash strapped countries take part in games that would cost them a fortune. But the joy and happiness with which these two countries embraced the whole ethos of the games was something to take note of.

All the Olympic Games have been given to first world countries that have a lot of money and strength to throw around. Money talks according to the first world. We all live this kind of life. Money is everything. It even brings you happiness?

Here we have two countries that don’t have much, opening their arms to the world. Okay, there are elements that are in it for the money and prestige. Can we blame them when the first world countries model themselves on who has the most money and power? But I’m talking about the grass roots here, the people on the ground, who gain nothing but pleasure from the whole thing.

During the Football World Cup there were a lot of moans and groans about the Vuvuzela. Why? How much do we have to control our surrounds to make us happy? Have we lost the ability to enjoy the little pleasures in life? Seems so. Being exposed to something other than our health and safety regulated life is good for us. Are we going to start complaining about the birds tweeting in the tree, the children making a noise as they play, the car driving down the road? Yes, and believe me there have been reports of this. How sad that none of us live life to the full, embrace it, find the balance. Instead we try and smooth things over so nothing disturbs us too much. That’s not balance, its denial.

My children used to go to Waldorf Schools. I loved the ethos of the school because they put the child first. As the children grew older it didn’t seem quite so necessary and eventually they went to mainstream schooling and settled very well. Being a practical person, which you might find very difficult to believe as I’m very wacky and out there, I do believe in organisation. As a result I found the Waldorf Schools (not all of them I might add), frustrating to say the least.

Why is it believed that when you are New Age or spiritual that you throw organisation, practicality and time to the wind? Time is not the be all and end all of life. I threw away my watch ten years ago (as did hubby), and neither of us suffer with being late. We have an built in clock which tells you when you are late. But a few New Agers seem to embrace the whole aspect of ‘lala land’. Who said it had to be so? Is it just a perception? Hell, yes. Just because you are a New Ager doesn’t mean you have to live in the clouds, wear strange clothes or only eat vegetables. Many New Agers are snobs in the same manner that aristocrats are snobs or people with new money are snobs or yobs are snobs. We like our exclusivity, it doesn’t matter what part of society we belong to.

This is where balance comes in. Why can we not live from the heart and still use our minds? Do we have to have one thing on the scale outbalancing another part?

The answer to this is no. NO, we don’t.

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