Relationships

Relationships are a fact of life. Whether it’s with your dog, your cat, your parents, in-laws and out-laws, children or wife/husband. Included in this is your relationship with your house, your finances, your car and anything else you can think of.

Hubby and I have been together for 25 years. We’ve been through a lot – buying and selling properties, raising children, moving countries, losing parents and finally - loving and hating each other. There’s nothing like a relationship to really teach you how close love and hate are.


In the rush of every day life it’s easy to forget how to be in love. You look at your partner and don’t see why you fell in love with them. They can irritate and anger you more than flood you with the feeling of love. There have been more than a few occasions when I’d like to throw him off a cliff and then dance on his body. I’m not really a violent person but deep down I have a dark side and my imagination can run riot.

I’m not alone – we all have dark parts to ourselves. All I can say is thank goodness we don’t have the ability to manifest instantly otherwise quite a few of us would be in a great deal of trouble. I suspect I need to stop imagining sharpening my knives and using his head as a dartboard.

Okay, now we’ve had our fun with mangling our partner’s body, let’s get serious. How often do you stop to really look at your partner? The crinkle that forms around their eyes when they smile, the dimple they might have that only appears at odd moments, their smell, the texture of their skin, how their eyes light up when they see you, the flutter in your stomach when they walk in the room or phone you and the passion. All those feelings you had when you first started out together.

What happened along the way? Life. The stresses and the worries. We start to take our partners for granted and forget about the joy that they bring to us. Do relationships fall apart because of this? I don’t have the answer to that. Why do some relationships grow stronger, others plod along and yet others disintegrate? Again, I don’t have the answer.

My take on my marriage is that I have changed the energy that surrounds us. There is me, my hubby and the relationship. Forget for a moment that you might have children, parents, animals, etc. Just focus on the two of you. We tend to blame the other party for any problems. Take a step back and have a look at what is really going on.

Everything around us is a reflection. If your partner treats you badly take a deep look within yourself and see where that energy is coming from. What’s in you that they are reacting to? Take a look at that portion of your life that is working well. What’s happening there that’s not happening in your relationship?

I used to blame hubby for a lot of things until I realised it was me and me alone causing it. I have taught many developing classes and each person denied they were the cause of their own problems. Some eventually came to understand it while others moved on elsewhere in the hope they would find a group that would justify how they felt.

How often has someone asked for your advice? When you give it, they dismiss it. Why? Because you haven’t given them what they want. They will keep asking until someone tells them what they want to hear.

I started off forcing myself to stop and take a look at hubby and really see him. Now it’s become an in-built habit. When I look at him and he realises I’m watching him he will stop what he’s doing. His eyes will go from that hard remote look to a softer one where his mouth will curve in a smile, his eye colour will change and his pupils will dilate with pleasure. I love that I can do that to him. It’s exhilarating to know you bring someone happiness and pleasure. I find it a far better high than shouting and venting my spleen. Sigh, okay, I admit that sometimes it’s really nice to vent and blow off steam but in the main loving is a far better high for me.

We are so incredibly powerful and yet we don’t use that power well.

Maybe next week I will be sharpening my knives again...but right now – I’m so in lurve...