I am Jem, Pleasurex of the First Order of Lighted Loving. I greet you in love and pleasure.
Today, on this day dedicated to love, I come forward to discuss performance anxiety. It is something that most of you are familiar with whether male or female. For men there is the worry that they cannot perform for hours and remain hard for the duration of that time. For women they worry about not being attractive enough or orgasmic enough.
Sexuality has been exploited whether through porn, adverts or magazines. Beautiful women on billboards, magazines, TV, adverts make women unattainable to some men, or women. Lately there has been a move to exploiting the male body thereby making women, or men believe that all their partners should be beautiful. Beautiful people have everything. Can you ever live up to these fantasies? What happens when you meet someone who does not live up to the fantasy?
There is no judgement in the above. It is as it should be and has given you an understanding of what you don’t want. Now let us focus on what you do want. Nothing is unattainable.
Anxiety, worry or stress takes you out of your body and into the outer world, thereby inhibiting your ability to connect deeply with your inner self. Genital stimulation focuses on one part of the body rather than on the whole body. When we talk about the whole body we speak of the mind, body and spirit. These are to be brought into balance to achieve full body orgasm. Although orgasm is not the ultimate goal we will use it as a means to an end.
Some of you are puzzled as to how sex and meditation can be connected. Sex ultimately is making or creating love, not only for yourself, but also for your partner, your family, and the world around you.
What is spirit-led sex? It is a loving honouring of the sacredness of yourself and thereby everyone around you. You don’t need genital stimulation to feel the upwelling of unconditional love. A vision of loving yourself can bring you to climax. When you fall in love with yourself unconditional love runs around your body heightening your senses. When you fall in love with yourself, everyone around you benefits. This creative energy can be used in different ways, depending on what you want to achieve.
Each one of you find resonance with different teachings at different stages in your life. For our purpose we will be focusing on lovemaking, not everyone’s choice.
In order for you to feel a deep connection with your partner, you first must create a deep connection with yourself. In giving to yourself and loving yourself, your cup ‘will runneth over’ spilling out to encompass your world around you. Your first and foremost thought or action should be for yourself. It might seem like a selfish idea, but think about this. If you think of others without putting yourself first and your energy is constantly drained because you are not replenishing and protecting yourself, who is benefitting? In the long run, no-one.
Charity begins at home – home being your mind, body, spirit temple. If you create a cycle of energy that replenishes you and keeps you fresh, you will then have enough for others in your life. Not only that, you will have a constant flow of unconditional love which touches others, who can then use it to change their own reality. You don’t have to say or do anything. Simply being around others will give them the chance, albeit unconsciously, to make the changes they want. Simply be – no other action necessary.
Two souls connecting at a sexual level will resonate with each other, the energy cycling to lift them higher and higher until they reach a state of bliss. In this state of bliss, the lovers minds, bodies and spirits are intertwined and tap into the universal heart of unconditional love which sets them free to soar on the wings of pleasure and love. In this soaring you are blessed and filled with grace.
Take time with yourself or with a partner to simply be with them. Cycle the energy, have fun doing silly things like massaging parts of their body with parts of your body while they are blindfolded. Get them to guess which part of your body you are using to massage them. Simply be without any demands. Don’t think of any goals or for the men, don’t worry if you are soft at times and then hard at other times. Enjoy the sensations, the feel your body and your partners. Slowly build on this. Trying different ways of having fun and then being serious. You could even do this for a few hours over a long stretch of days, clothed or unclothed, and without an orgasm – simply being in each other’s company, slowly building the energy. So much so that a simple look or a touch of fingers to your face could send a ripple of pleasure around your body.
Don’t worry if you find yourself still being goal oriented. This ability comes with practice, time and patience on both the part of yourself and your partner. Indulge in the innocence of your partnership, and the naughtiness of it. Take your time and enjoy each other’s company.
This then slowly changes how you perceive lovemaking. You are creating new pathways in the brain and performance anxiety will then become a thing of the past.
A final note - having a ‘quickie’ is not taboo. Good fast action also feeds the soul.
When you spend time together create a safe space within which to explore your intimacy and use the Angels of Balance to create balance around you.
Until we meet again may you be held in the palm of Mother/Father God.
Yours in love and pleasure,
Jem and Andari
Performance Anxiety - to read comments on LW
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