Hubby and Tantra

I have been repeatedly asked the question how did I get my hubby to take the tantra path? The truth is I didn’t ‘get’ him to do anything. Don’t be mistaken by believing he is a lightworker like I am. We don’t meditate together, do strange rituals, and eat vegetarian food or anything else you might dream up. We are a very ordinary couple.


Hubby is a man’s man, having been recruited at the tender age of 17 into the army to fight guerrilla war fare in the African bush, he was given carte blanch shoot another human, drive a tank and a truck despite not being of the legal age to drink or drive in civilian life. It moulded him into the man he is today and unable to talk about his feelings. He did mention once that he’d lost so many friends that he’d hardened his heart, learnt not to cry and bottled up his emotions. But otherwise he never talks much about it.

Yet despite this and his appearance of being a big ‘bruiser’, he treats me like gold and is happy to follow where I lead. But, he drew the line at what he calls my ‘oobly doobly’ stuff. He was quite happy to support me in my studies and teaching as long as I did not involve him. Initially, it really got to me. How could I reach the heights I wanted without him flying at my side, I wailed. I was determined he would, and he was determined he wouldn’t. It took me a long time to come to terms with this disappointment. He doesn’t know the half of what I do and when I talk about it he never says anything, but listens. He says I’m the one who has the knowledge and he has nothing to add. I must admit in the beginning I was suspicious that he’d zoned out but he could always repeat back to me what I’d said.

We create our own reality. As I’m an energy mover I decided to do what I know best. Intellectually I understood that we create our own reality but it never resonated deep within myself. I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person. If something doesn’t work I try something else.

I decided one day to create the intention that I would do all the learning and understanding and he would benefit from it without him knowing. I have held that vision in my head since then. I let it go, knowing that it would come to pass. I had to learn to respect his boundaries. I never shove anything down his throat. He has his own path to walk despite us being a couple for many years. Honour and respect forms the basis of our relationship. How can he live with me, be constantly surrounded by my energy and not be influenced in some way.

So when we touched on our first experience with tantra, the only reason he consented to taking part was because it involved sex. I unashamedly used this knowledge and what was available to me. He did a bit of breath work with me and some cycling of the energy but that was about it. If it involved him working on any of his ‘issues’ the wall came down and he backed off. He’s happy to help me clear my blocks and enthusiastically does all the massages, creating spaces and holding me when I cry. He does have a reaction and let’s off steam by playing sport. But he doesn’t believe it is from the lovemaking *grin*.

Ha ha, I had him! Little did he know that the energy work would affect him so subtly he wouldn’t notice. (Please note that I asked his soul’s permission to do this – you cannot go around willy nilly doing this with people without their consent. You will know when you get an emphatic no or yes.)

When he had his first orgasm without ejaculating, I’m not sure who was more surprised – him or me. It gave me such a boost because I knew I was on the right path and that my intention had come true. And let me tell you, the power of that orgasm was very strong I felt it from my head to my toes and so did he.
Hubby is far more savvy than he pretends to be. Every so often he lets something slip that astounds me. And during lovemaking he has the most amazing colours and energies around him. Hmm, on reflection he is far more powerful than he makes out to be.

Anyway, what I’m trying to get across is this – it is possible to do tantric work on your own and include your partner energetically (with their permission, of course) and still see the results.

For me, tantra is simply energy work. Different from healing in that I’m not just channelling the energy through my hands but am using my entire body. Most of my knowledge has come from experience. I find reading up and theory too dry, although it helps to a degree. We can discuss it and intellectualise about it forever but until you actually experience it, it will mean nothing. Experiencing it helps the body to understand from a very deep perspective, rather than a spirit or mind perspective. We are here in a body – we must use it to achieve our full potential.

I hope my little story helps shed some light and encourages those of you hesitating.

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