Anger

Yesterday I arrived at work feeling tired. I’d done a few nights in a row and was now back at work to do afternoon siestas. So already I was out of sorts. Not usually a problem for me but yesterday it turned into an off the scale day for emotions.

I’m normally pretty calm. When I walked in the door I was confronted with incompetence. It’s been a problem we’d faced at the centre for a while but had never really got to me. On most occasions I just shrug and get on with it but...hey, what can I say...I flipped.


For a brief period I dug deep to find my compassionate and caring nature but after I’d settled the patients in their rooms and they were sleeping, I succumbed and dove head first into the seething cauldron of anger. I could feel the fluttering of the angels of balance around me but I was DETERMINED. I WOULD sink into this and enjoy every minute of it.

I knew when I picked up the phone to do follow up calls to patients that something ‘bad’ would happen but could I help myself? No, I went ahead anyway. The first two calls were centred around incompetence – the incompetence of our centre and both patients were polite but abrupt. Whoah, I should have stopped there, taken a deep breath and centred myself, but no in my righteous indignation I didn’t.

The third call was again centred around incompetency and ‘couldn’t be bothered’ attitude – both of which I had been feeling. Phwoar, did I have a huge barney on my hands! Yikes!

Now I need to set the record straight. Our centre is a small one. We’re all very committed and most of us love the job and interaction with the patients. We grumble on the odd occasion but we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Most of our patients are so grateful to receive an answer to the problems that have been troubling them for years. This gratitude rubs off on us and in turn rubs off on our patients. We bend over backwards for them. Our walls are plastered with their thanks.

So having three irate patients in a row is not normal. They were reacting to my energy. The incompetency I’d been confronted with when I walked in resonated with something inside of me. It raced to the forefront of my energy and I sent it out and drew to me situations that emphasised it. Like attracts like.

This final call had me stop and take stock. I took a long walk around the garden and allowed the angels to help me. I cut the tie that this last patient had with me and I could feel my energy calm down. The last thing I needed was to be feeding off him and him feeding off me.

The rest of the afternoon was very busy and very normal and ended with three very grateful patients who praised the prompt and efficient service – the way I like it.

By changing my attitude and how I was feeling I managed to change the situation. My manager and I called the angry patient a while later. As we’d all calmed down we were able to smooth things over and apologies were made all round. I dare say he will still be suspicious of us for a while but I know that once he’s received the good service we normally give all will be forgotten.

Which brings us back to reflections. I’ve had incompetence shoved up my nose. Why? Because it’s something within me. Who am I to judge someone by calling them incompetent? That energy called to me and I reacted to it. If it wasn’t a strong energy within me it would have passed me by and I would not have reacted.

I often hear people say ‘so and so is such a lovely happy person, why do they have such bad luck’? Smiles cover a multitude of things. What you might feel underneath that happy attitude is desperation, sadness, fear, jealousy or anger. Many of you will object to this. But I will stress this – nothing comes your way unless you pull it to you. For years I had angry situations confronting me. As I was a calm person I couldn’t understand why. I did not feel angry. I searched for the anger but couldn’t find it.

Then one day it surfaced and surfaced in such a way that I was disorientated and ungrounded for months. It seemed endless. I was angry at everything – my parents, my siblings, my husband, my circumstances, my birth and every single incarnation I’d had. It was all dumped together in a very large package that I’d hidden away.

If you feel you are possessed, someone is stalking you, your neighbour hates you, you keep having motor accidents, your relationships never work, etc. – ask the question: why did you draw this to yourself?

I also hear quite often – ‘it’s karma’. Maybe but you do have the choice to change it by clearing the energy that has attracted it to you.

We are very powerful and so frightened of our power. I know I am. I’ve been given a choice on a few occasions. If I go a certain path it will mean a huge change and each time I’ve turned away from it. Why? Because it will mean leaving behind that which I’m familiar with and love. My hubby and children would not be able to handle the strength of that energy. I will not tolerate that.

I’d rather do it slowly. Maybe I’m being a coward but you know what? I don’t care as I’d rather do it slowly, be in the thick of things and walk every step of the way with everyone else. I love humanity – even the not so great ones. I love being in service and I’m remaining right here, taking the good with the bad, laughing and loving to the best of my ability.