Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Saturday, 3 October 2015

Beliefs can weigh us down, paralysing us into remaining where we are

The song Millennium by Robbie Williams always reminds me of our arrival in London in 1998. I heard it the other day and it brought back a lot of memories.

That first year was an exciting one. The smell of the city on the first morning I woke up will stay with me forever. It was a beautiful day and I could hear the traffic outside my brother's London flat. I felt like I'd joined the elite of the elite - don't ask me why - I just did.

We were part of the hundreds of thousands of South Africans who'd arrived (and still do) in London to make our fortune. I had the opportunity to work a normal 9 - 5 and then do a night shift until 11pm. Wow! Imagine the ability to make huge sums of money without a quibble! It was a time of working long hours. A huge change from the mindset we were used to. It was all work and no play.

As a legal secretary I had my pick of jobs - there was so much abundance. I was never out of work at all and the demand was high. I made so much money during that time. It was only two years later that I started to feel like I'd sold my soul to the devil. I continued to work in London, fighting the traffic on the roads, tubes, trains, buses. Congestion wherever I turned. There was no such thing as "popping out for a bit". It took ages to get anywhere. I got used to walking long distances as it was quicker.

Coming from a country where everyone has a car that was used no matter how short the distances are, it was an adventure to walk that slowly changed to frustration and I joined the millions of others being worn down trudging to work looking like I'd lost my zest for life and queues that went on forever...the excitement was dwindling.

I became so ground down and used to leaving early and arriving home late, that when we were given the opportunity to move out of London, I would not even contemplate it.

I was very friendly with our landlord's agent. Having a chat to her one day about life in general I mentioned that our daughter was needing to change schools from the Steiner School in Wandsworth, London to the one in Forest Row, East Sussex. We did not want to move and were thinking about Ashlee boarding.

She was horrified. Why would you not want to move for your child? she asked. I couldn't answer her. Another friend said it would be pretty easy, so what was the problem? To me it was such an insurmountably huge mountain to face and being so stuck in a rut I could not contemplate the thought of the move. Slowly but surely, the idea started to take hold until eventually I realised it was not that difficult.

We sent our children on holiday to France with my parents and whilst they were away for 6 weeks, we searched for a house in East Grinstead. When they got back from their holiday, we had moved.

Once I'd got my head around it, it was really easy and quick. I am grateful to both of them for pushing us to make the change. I continued to commute to London for work until finally I found a job at the hospital where I have been since. The pay cut was huge, but so well worth it. The lifestyle in the home counties is so very different from that of London.

Amazing how our beliefs weigh us down.

Again we are contemplating moving. Despite there being so much paperwork and logistics involved, I don't find it daunting at all, but do find it inconvenient.

The difference between our move from South Africa to the UK and the current move to New Zealand is that this time we are taking our household with us, although initially I am the one arriving with nothing but a suitcase of clothing.

Do I have doubts? Yes, there are a few playing around in the back of my mind. Every so often these doubts manifest in my world as an obstacle and I can see where I am not in the flow.