Every time I hear the words, "You're so lucky", I wonder how different my life would be if my choices were other than the ones I've made.
We are constantly making decisions, whether it is to try something new or to remain on the same well beaten path.
I believe that I am living many parallel lives including past, present and future - all running simultaneously. Each one is influenced by Me and influences Me. When I make a change within my emotional/mental beliefs, I change everything to do with Me including those parallel, past and future lives and therefore my perceptions change.
In each of these multiple lives I am experiencing those 'mistakes' or good times - each one is contributing to my understanding and experience, whether I am aware of them or not. The Me that is writing this blog is the flag ship to which all past, current and future lives are contributing. It is my job, as the flag ship, to ferret out, acknowledge, accept and process/clear the emotional/mental pattern that keeps Me in the same place making the same choices over and over again. Thus everything becomes an experience of understanding that I can view without the emotional charge. It is not easy being brutally honest with Myself, but it has definitely paid off.
When I was sixteen, I fell pregnant. My parents gave me several choices - have an abortion, get married to the father or have the child out of wedlock. These days it is not an issue, but in the 70s, oh my, the stigma!
I followed my gut instinct and chose an abortion.
Or, a few years later getting engaged because it was simply something to do - I was in a permanent relationship and that was the 'natural' progression. My mother did ask me several times if this is really what I want. Stubbornly I said it was, but in my gut I knew it wasn't. I eventually listened to my Heart and bowed out of the relationship.
Twice trying to commit suicide after my son was born, even though I 'knew' it wasn't my time to leave the planet. Both were half-hearted attempts in a cry for help, which was answered by Me. I drew to myself those that were in a position to assist Me back on my feet and from there I started to take responsibility for everything in my life.
I have faced many of these life altering decisions. Each decision opening the door to another reality, which I could either choose to step through or ignore. The ultimate responsibility lay with me.
It took me many years to figure this out. Life in Human form is for living and experiencing.
Nowadays I recognise that everything around Me is a reflection of where I am. I am in charge. If I want time out, I request it. If I want things to move faster I request it. Nothing is pulled into my reality without my consent, even though I am not always aware of what I have consented to! But that is what makes it exciting and unpredictable.
Each experience is teaching me is that as a Human, it is up to Me to change my perceptions and therefore the energy of the 'bad' things that happen to Me. When I do so, the flow is so much easier through life.
Would I be in the amazing relationship I am today? Who knows, it is difficult to answer that question. This is no science experiment where a placebo is used in one group and the real thing in another.
Every day I count my blessings that I was able to stop, listen, and after much searching, understand the messages from my Heart/Soul and therefore activate a new perception and life. The more gratitude I feel, the happier I become and the more my reality reflects this back at me.
Occasionally I still wonder what the heck certain situations I get myself into are showing Me, but then I remember that as the Human in all of this, nothing is difficult - it is merely my perception that it is. I am always doing my best to move through them with ease and grace - and to also remember that this is all Me - nothing is separate from Me including my Soul - it is all a reflection of who I am in that moment - even though I may be split into multiple Beings.
I am getting better at juggling the reins of the hundreds of horses pulling my chariot in different directions - one day we will all be in complete harmony. Until then it'll most probably be a wild ride.
As ever, I am a work in progress.