Judgement seems to be a big thing at the moment for me...and possibly for the world at large?
I kinda thought I'd cleared judgement from within but clearly not.
It's come to a head this week both at home and at work.
I've asked my colleagues over the months to let me know if any bad habits are creeping in to my work - cos it happens. We get slack and cut corners.
Twice this week I got some feedback and immediately felt myself going into "fuck you" mode. Rant in my head, "who are you to tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me", which kinda took me by surprise.
The same is happening with Greg. He'll question me about something I'm doing and immediately I feel myself getting defensive and snappy.
Some opinions are valid, others are not as they are simply someone else's stuff that I have no need to get involved in. Either way, it is up to me to to decide how I react - acknowledge the contribution to my knowledge, examine it and take it on board, thank them for their input but continue as I am or have a grumpy tantrum. The decision is always mine in every way.
So what am I being confronted with and need to understand?
This is all about fear, the fear of being judged. Is my self worth strong enough to withstand the judgement I feel I am under?
I kinda thought I'd cleared judgement from within but clearly not.
It's come to a head this week both at home and at work.
I've asked my colleagues over the months to let me know if any bad habits are creeping in to my work - cos it happens. We get slack and cut corners.
Twice this week I got some feedback and immediately felt myself going into "fuck you" mode. Rant in my head, "who are you to tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me", which kinda took me by surprise.
The same is happening with Greg. He'll question me about something I'm doing and immediately I feel myself getting defensive and snappy.
Some opinions are valid, others are not as they are simply someone else's stuff that I have no need to get involved in. Either way, it is up to me to to decide how I react - acknowledge the contribution to my knowledge, examine it and take it on board, thank them for their input but continue as I am or have a grumpy tantrum. The decision is always mine in every way.
So what am I being confronted with and need to understand?
This is all about fear, the fear of being judged. Is my self worth strong enough to withstand the judgement I feel I am under?
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