I don't think I am incorrect to think that the whole world is going through a transformation that transcends anything any of us have ever experienced, throwing us all into disarray.
Again, I am going to reiterate that mostly I've always known where I am going in my life, in a vague way, but nevertheless some sort of structure has been there. It made me feel stable within myself.
But this last year and a bit has been the most stressful, confusing, uncomfortable and ass kicking (in a nice way of course as we've not had the rug pulled out from underneath in a "dark night of the soul" - although it has felt that way) as has occurred in the past.
Greg and I are faced with so many choices that the mind boggles. We keep choosing something only to change our mind a few days later. The universe is rushing to create one thing only to have a signal from us saying "no, no not there but over there". As a result we felt we were not getting anywhere. Or so I though...
The permanent move to Australiasia doesn't seem to be happening...at all. No movement, no glimmer of even a possibility...which has had me puzzled. Although, if I am honest I shouldn't be puzzled, I have this hidden resistance that pops into my consciousness every so often that I tend to push away in favour of what everyone else wants. I keep focusing on the support and cheers from Australia, ignoring any niggles that don't "seem" to fit into our plans.
Pushing against a current instead of going with the flow has proved to be impossible.
In despair this past week, I asked for a solution asking what our REAL heart's desire is.
The first thing that popped up for me to take notice was the song Footloose.
Ah, them were the days!
Then I remembered a conversation Greg and I had had many years ago where we wanted to spend time in our home country (South Africa), our adopted home country (UK) and Australia, as well as travel the world seeing new places. We both love travelling and always have. Our idea was to have a home "community" wherever we were.
It is possible to move between South Africa and the UK, earning a living and still have the time to travel, if we put our heart, soul and mind to it.
How had I forgotten this footloose existence we'd always wanted? There is nothing that says we cannot have it - only the restrictions we place upon ourselves.
The next thing that came to my attention was a "very" old friend's name from South Africa on FB. Goodness me, what a blast from the past. She and I started at the same law firm in the 80s. She went on to become a (very good) recruitment agent for whom I worked as a temporary legal secretary for many years when my kids were little.
I had a sudden epiphany whilst looking at a filtered signal, making a link between a signal from a sleep study and our lives. Filtering is frowned upon when scoring a sleep study, but sometimes it is necessary.
Many of us have so much going on in our lives, we cannot see the waveform of where we are headed. We get so caught up in the little detail. It is frowned upon when we do filter those signals out and do something unconventional, thinking outside the box of "normality".
Looking back over the last year, all those little nudges now make sense.
I reckon I must have done some sub-conscious filtering - there have been so many signs that appeared, giving impetus to the idea of living in several countries.
Everything is in place waiting for us to actually notice and make a move. So whilst we have been making different plans, sections of each plan has been taken to create something that we have REALLY wanted without realising this was happening.
It is now up to us to make the most of it and dive in.
We're off to Morocco tomorrow - we will have some time and space to talk this through and (possibly) make a decision on whether we want to be footloose...or not.
Lol - remember "leg warmers"?