This morning I felt the need to put Blurred Lines on and actually listen to the lyrics watching the video. Curious to know why the video and words were slightly off-putting, I looked up the lyrics and found out that it is about -
"The blurred lines or grey area between consensual sex and assault. A woman’s desires play no part in this scenario. It's about male desire and male dominance over a woman’s personal sexual agency. The rigid definition of masculinity makes the man unable to accept the idea that sometimes his advances are not welcome. Thus, instead of treating a woman like a human being and respecting her subjectivity, she’s relegated to the role of living sex doll whose existence is naught but for the pleasure of a man."
I am no feminist burn the bra type woman. Well, I was but have managed to work my way through those "taught" attitudes to come out the other side, not too damaged by the whole experience, mostly thanks to my amazing hubby, who also had his own beliefs to work through.
I had to smile the other day when he came home from work and said, "I feel like I've stepped back in time to the caveman/Neanderthal days." Turns out that some of his male colleagues here in NZ find pictures of naked women a giggle, somewhat like schoolboys in the playground pouring over their father's porno mags. Cos he is a man it was assumed he'd feel the same way.
My boss yesterday, after introducing the new business manager, pointed to one of my colleagues and said, "He is a womaniser."
Eh? What the hell?
I think she misses the point. He loves people in general and does his best to make them feel good about themselves. He treats men and women the same way, with a great deal of respect.
Which brings me to the subject at hand - assumption. How many times do we assume something just from its appearance?
When I first arrived in New Zealand (sans hubby), a friend and I used to spend a lot of time together. It was great to have so much time without a care in the world, having girly weekends away. We drove all over the place exploring, stayed in towns we'd never been to before, eating, drinking and...dancing. Oh how I loved the dancing. I've not really done that in an age.
Anyways, one weekend we found ourselves at a pub. There was a live band playing the most amazing music and we decided to spend some time there. We danced and danced. Sometimes with each other (her leading) or separate. It was so enjoyable. I wasn't aware of anyone around us, was simply in my own space.
Quite late into the night, while we were dancing together, some guy rudely pushed in between us, grabbed my friend saying that he'd show her what it was like to have a man lead. Surprised I turned to the woman who was with him and spread my hands in query. She shrugged, looking puzzled herself.
The "lesson" didn't last longer than 30 seconds, maybe.
We continued to dance until two young girls came up to us and shouting over the music said that we'd inspired them. Initially I thought it was because we were out having fun and not worrying that we had no "male" partners with us. But as they continued to enthusiastically talk and gesticulate, I realised that they thought we were two gay women.
Lol...we've inspired someone to be who they really are by simply being ourselves.
It's amazing how many assumptions were made that night simply because we were two women on our own having fun together.
P.S. we still get together weekends, our partners tolerantly indulgent of our love of dancing the night away.