The Year of the Wooden Horse seems to be raring to go and I am having difficulty keeping control. I know if I let it have its head, it will end in a bit of a disaster.
I reminds me of my horse that I had as a teenager. He had this thing about a section of the farm where he'd get all worked up and I'd have difficulty stopping him from springing into a headlong gallop down the sandy strait. He simply wanted to run like there was no tomorrow. Sometimes I'd let him do what he wanted because the adrenalin pumping exhilaration we both felt was amazing, but mostly I'd hold him back until he'd calmed down before taking a gentle canter.
I kinda feel like that now, I am stopping my lively Green Wooden Horse from galloping at a frantic rate with me hanging on for dear life!
I keep hearing that in order to be able to do everything I want, I should focus completely on one task at a time and so that is what I am trying to do but my horse is bucking and rearing, pulling at the reins to get the bit between his teeth and run. This sure is teaching me to focus absolutely without being distracted...which isn't easy.
Actually now that I think on it, it feels like I am driving a chariot with 6 horses pulling me in different directions and I gotta get used to handling six different sets of reins and harmonise them to work together.
Looking at the bigger picture I see what I need to do, but when I narrow my vision to a specific item, I find myself being overwhelmed. It is a rather strange situation. Normally looking at the bigger picture would make me feel panicked, but instead it seems to ease this panic as I can see where I am going and what the goal is. It is as though rising above the situation, I am my Higher Self.
Gone is the laid back languid going with the flow Karen and in her place is a driven woman with a mission.
I thought that part of me was gone, but no here she is again, although she does feel slightly different to the one of years ago. I feel like I need to activate everything I have spent a while dreaming about and now actually DO it. Such a contrast to last year when I felt I needed to BE.
I am not sure if I am comfortable with it at all. I don't reckon I have taken a step back as I feel it is necessary as though my gut instinct is in the driving seat heading me inexorably toward...something.
While I wasn't happy about studying last year...I am doing it now and it feels so right. And...I was given such an incredible boost...and THANK YOU to all three of my amazing bosses. Despite knowing that I will be leaving next year, they put me forward to attend so many seminars this year in order that I have more accreditations and knowledge under my belt for Australia. I am so very blessed with this unbelievable news and the outpouring of love that came my way.
I am also writing another book, with an editing deadline in May. Don't ask me why...it simply feels like it should be done.
Hubby is being such an amazing support. I am very busy but at the same time feel happy to be so AND it feels that doing all of this will set the path to something that might be completely different to what I expect, but the DOing is what is important.
Everything is slowly but surely clicking into place - I won't bore you with the details - save to say that as I focus properly and do what needs doing, a beautiful winding path is being created for us.
In my focused (and very possibly coming across as an obsessive and crazed lunatic!) state, I noticed that a few friends are getting snappy. I wondered why it was being taken so personally. When I sat down and thought about it, I realised that in my excitement about a new life, I'd not considered those I'd be leaving behind. Talking about what I was doing to get there is making those loved ones in Australia happy as they encourage me, but what about those that are staying here? That made me sad and rather tearful as I thought about the amount of times I've said goodbye, let go and moved on.
So in future I need to bear in mind the emotions of others not only for them, but because I am letting me know that deep down there are unresolved issues of letting go...and maybe I am being an obsessive crazed lunatic woman.