Demanding people

 Well, well so much for me thinking it was a dead duck...

The change proposal is moving forward at a rapid rate. My line managers are without a job from 25 February.

Lovely, but what this means for those of us in charge of departments is a whole load more admin/managerial work and far less clinical work.  We're struggling with the overflow of referrals as it is. Our waitlist is currently standing at just under 400. We accept 150 referrals per month (just as many declined) reaching a staggering 1,800 studies per year that need to be done. As fast as we are studying patients and getting them off the waitlist, more are being added from the newly accepted referrals.

We can study every single one of them within a couple of months, but the problem is the bottle neck with follow up.

70% of them will need treatment. As our patients remain with us indefinitely once on treatment, this is unsustainable for such a small department (2 part time receptionists, 1 health assistant, 5 physiologists and me).

It's been a long time in the making, from the first idea that popped into my head 3 years ago, discussions and decisions, then the two year process of action, putting out a tender, evaluations and meetings (Covid stunting the process somewhat), we have finally signed the contract and appointed a private supplier of consumables for our patients. The DHB funds any replacement parts that patients need but instead of us dealing with this, the supplier will.

This will take a huge weight off our shoulders so we can concentrate on those new patients needing help.

But bloody hell has there been some teething problems! Yikes! 

Deep breaths several million times a day since 1 December.

Every blimming patient handed over so far (a small handful of 5,000 - we planned on starting with a small amount first) has either been phoning us or the supplier overwhelming our systems beyond anything we ever thought possible. The supplier has employed some temporary staff to help cope, but the Sleep Clinic doesn't have that luxury. So not only do we have to cope with all the studies, treating new people, troubleshooting and following them up, we also have the added "luxury" of 5,000 anxious patients demanding to be seen who all appear to be suffering from separation anxiety! I've spent most of the last three weeks sifting out those that have genuine issues and need appointments from those freaking out about nothing.

The demand is so unexpected that the supplier ran out of stock in the first week!

To top it all the supplier employed some newbies who know nothing about sleep or its equipment. Not only are these newbies learning about this and the supplier's system (something new they had to create especially for us and our patients). So we are mentoring them too.

We have weekly zoom meetings to iron out the difficulties. During several of them the newly employed customer service person often had to leave the meeting as patients were banging on the doors demanding attention. That sounds like our patients! 

I don't think patients realise how very lucky they are to receive the free replacements that they do. They take it for granted and expect 7 star service all the time. I keep telling my staff that we are not an acute service. A couple of nights without their mask or machine will not jeopardise their health. 

And yet many of our patients expect to be able to contact one of us 24/7 and be able to collect replacements at any time day or night. This despite many years of trying to educate them. They quote "it's my right" to us because in their head they pay taxes (even those on benefits) and therefore it is their right. A sense of entitlement. I have to say that it's not all patients but a large number who make it very difficult. Same as anywhere I suppose. Customer service is not for the faint of heart.

I read an interesting article in the news about soldiers guarding isolation hotels needing psyche help after all the abuse they received. HAHA - what really? Try working in healthcare mate, then you'll know about abuse! I thought the UK was bad but healthcare in NZ...takes the cake with the cherry on top, champagne and sprinkles.

This year has been exhausting any way and the current overload now Christmas time when many of us have holidays booked, is just crazy.

I have to give a big shout out to all the staff. They have been amazing.

I dread the handing over the next lot. We're gonna give it a few months to calm down and the handover will be less patients so hopefully more manageable for all.

We'll get there eventually - I keep the vision in my head.

The long road to creation

Athena and Aeolus...

I've not written about them for many years. It's not that they aren't part of our lives, they've taken a back seat so that Greg and I can get on with our human lives. No interference, no unwarranted messages, ideas or feelings. An acceptance by all that it's a process that we need to go through. I've not once felt the urge to ask, instead allowed the path to unfold as it needs to.

Wow, what a journey it's been.

Today I felt the urge to connect with Athena once again. 

One thought immediately popped into my mind unbidden is my time now to do what I should be doing?

Eh? where the heck did that come from?

Her answer it's always been your time.  

No explanation just an insightful understanding. Every minute of our lives, it's our time. What we do with that specific moment in time will create. Waiting for the moment when it's our time simply keeps us looking to the future instead of living in the moment and understanding the potential in every space in time.

Of course this is not new knowledge. Today it seemed to take on a greater meaning but for the life of me I'm not sure how or am able to explain in a deep and meaningful way. 

The connection with her is so familiar, joyful and comforting, I wonder how I didn't miss it?

Many many years ago while still living in the UK, I think it must have been around 2008 or so, I started on creating a portal to the new world. It took months and months of working on this portal and once the portal was created, I was able to pass through into a blank canvas of the new world that was to be created. 

I remember entering this blank space and wondering where to start. It made me sit down and think about what I wanted in this world. It was difficult as I only had a human 3D dense perspective from which to take ideas. I'd meditate for hours on this and slowly the world came into view. Admittedly there was a LOT of tweaking. 

The end result had me in a state of joyful happy tears and the wish to stay there forever. I came to the realisation at one stage that I was not able to be present in my current life and do what was necessary.

With a sigh of regret I closed the door to this world, knowing that when I and the world was ready, I could open the door once again.

Greg and I have been isolated from our family, so very much more tangibly felt this year.

Our lives were too full.

That's it in a nutshell. We were always out and about, socialising, travelling and basically living life as much as we could, anchoring energy wherever we went. That was meant to be.

As usual things move on into the next phase.

We were given the opportunity to be in a safe space where we'd have so much time on our hands we'd get bored. This has given us a chance as individuals, not only as a couple, to really get to grips without our inner world and to grow in ways we never thought possible. 

It's been quite a process.

My foray into leadership these last 3 years has given me insight into how to create a world within which others can blossom to their full potential. And yes, it's taken much tweaking that is ongoing and constant. Just when I think I can relax, it's time for change again. Nothing is static, our world is always in the flow of change.

I've had a knowing that this year would see the fruition and completion of my long term many layered plan at work which has been 3 years in the making. It's been an on off process that often had me wonder if I was on the right path. It's easy to get disillusioned. Slowly the objects in the way either dissolved or a different path was revealed.

The process will be completed on 1 December.

Where to next?

 

Change again

I wrote this in August

So, a new broom sweeps clean.

Waikato District Health Board is once again going through massive changes.

Our new COO was given the task a few years ago to draw up a report about the ailing DHB which was quite damning. She was then employed end last year to make the changes she'd recommended.

About two weeks ago the Change Proposal was released. I read through it kinda wondering what difference it would make as I've seen so many change proposals which never really "change" much.

I attended one of the talks she gave and was quite impressed with her. 

She has given staff the opportunity to have their say in consultation in a one-on-one, which has been snapped up by so many she's had to extend the time.

I think the bulk of the issues really came to light during the first COVID lockdown. Lack of transparency. I get so frustrated and spend hours trying to find out who does what (all our managers had disappeared to work from home). She mentioned that this lack of transparency is appalling. It's kind of like everyone has their own little kingdom and try to give out as little as possible about what they do, so no-one knows how little they actually do. 

I, for example, have no idea what my business managers and service manager actually do cos it's certainly not what I'd think they should be doing. Most of the items that need attending to filter their way down through the line until they land on my desk. As a result I am not just leading the team, I am managing like a business/service manager. I challenge but as I have no idea what their job description is it's difficult. I often get told that managers delegate. That I understand, but there is delegation and then there's avoiding work!

What I experienced in the UK is totally different - all service managers and business managers are hands on and always visible. This lot of managers here at the DHB seldom if ever visit us, have no inclination to find out what we do and make it clear that they don't want to know when I talk about our work. The service manager doesn't know who I am outside of meetings. If he sees me, looks right through me as though I don't exist.

Anyways, the change maker got around this by making every department head report to her monthly for 6 months with reams of paperwork. She was astounded how many didn't know what the departments under their remit did and when asked about something they would hide away under some pretense or another. It seems as though she's seen through all this nonsense and weeded out those that don't deserve their positions.

Well, the upshot is that there are 60 positions being disestablished and 20 new ones created. A complete restructure that has rattled so many cages, there are huddles of people around the hospital discussing things in whispers. We can only assume that these are the ones that are in the firing line.

Clinical Operations, Service Manager and 2 x Business Managers under which Respiratory/Sleep falls are all being disestablished.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am. But I do have misgivings about who will take the new position of Operations Manager. But I suppose I have to think that it cannot be any worse than what we've had!

I feel so old and jaded lol.

Seen and experienced too much to be more than skeptical.

That was then...

******

Now

There has been so much bad publicity for this DHB that they are now paralysed by indecision.

The change maker has been accused of bullying and is on stress leave.

So once again we are stuck without any resolution and continue to be run with inefficiency, managers indifferent to the struggle of those on the ground.

I keep hearing this song by Aerosmith Dream On

 

 

The grids

So much has been happening since 2012.

The year everyone thought would be the start of paradise on earth. I have to admit that I was one of those that thought this may be a possibility, was ever hopeful it was so, but that little niggle in the back of my mind kept saying 'no'. I was tired physically, mentally and emotionally and was ready for it to be over.

Lol...all it meant was that there was more hard work ahead of us.

For years Greg and I had been working on clearing the 3D sexual grid. Slowly this came to a halt (see blog Holding open the gateway) as these changes filtered down into the physical and we started holding a safe space for others to take back their power and step forward. Sometimes we were called on to do some  more clearing. Truthfully, I had no idea at the time what it meant.

Of course, spirit is very close mouthed when it comes to giving anyone a heads up about what's going on. I know for me this is a blessing because I'd probably f**k it up. It's best I just follow gut instinct whether I'm sure about it or not.

Athena has been very quiet, mostly in the background, not interfering and letting me do my thing. Even if I've felt lost. This is my path and I need to figure it out.

What should the 5D sexual grid be/look like? I have no idea. I know what it shouldn't be/look like. There are so many theories out there, but none of them sit right or really give an answer. I suppose with amount of entities from different solar systems, there will be confusion as each has their own version. From what I understand from the many meditations I have done over the last few decades, love is unconditional, but was does that even mean when brought down into the physical? We all have agendas whether we are aware of them or not. No incarnate human is baggage-less.

I used to be a great fan of channels. These last few years I've become bored with it all and with the conspiracy theories, etc. Everything seems so old and out of date. Unfortunately I have nothing to offer in place of this. I allow each minute, hour, day as it arrives to be my truth for that moment. It is specific to me and will be different to Greg's. Even though we work on grids and energy together, we have our own differing insights/perspectives.

These past few years have been pretty awful for most of us - difficult in our own specific way that is our pathway. This year of 2020 has been the cherry on top.

Some of the 'stuff' that has been/will be revealed will be very hard to stomach. I've seen how horrible whilst working on the grid. Not pretty and will shock and sicken us all.

I hope you're ready as only the tip of the iceberg has been revealed.  We cannot carry all the crap with us.

But like most of you, I wish it was all over. I've had enough.

Thankfully there are hundreds if not thousands working on the energies to assist as this is/has not ever been something one person alone can achieve. These numbers are being added to daily, if not, hourly.

You may not be aware of why you are here, but remember, no matter how dark things become, you are a valuable part of the tapestry that we are weaving and creating.

My gratitude to you.

Clunky moonboot, way forward for sleep

The clunky moonboot is off!

When told I could take it off and walk around in soft shoes, I was delighted...until the practicality of what I was going to do sank in and then I worried about not having my safety blanket.

What if my ankle muscles were so weak I fell over again and BAM! end of beautiful healing process to start all over again.

I kept it on for another three days and then finally on the weekend took the boot off permanently on the Saturday morning (yes I was still sleeping with it on!)

Sleep Clinic and COVID

Yay! I am back full time as from Wednesday last week. I am so pumped. Feel ready for the massive changes ahead.

The hospital is closed and the wards emptied in readiness for the potential surge of COVID inpatients. Only way to get in, is through ED and they've divided the streams into dirty and clean. Dirty being COVID patients (both confirmed and suspected) and clean for other emergencies.

Our little department is supporting the Respiratory Ward (and possibly other Wards depending on how serious it gets). It has been decided, due to the amount of research and information pouring out of other countries who are seriously snowed under with patients presenting with COVID, that it's best to use CPAP machines as they deliver air pressure together with oxygen rather than ventilate which tends to damage otherwise healthy lungs. COVID appears to be more like an altitude sickness which CPAP is better able to help with.

Dad Jokes Award

The stress of waiting is making for a tense filled hospital. Everyone is second guessing what may come through the doors at any time night or day and how it will play out.

We watch with concern the stories pouring in from overseas of overwhelmed and understaffed hospitals trying their best to cope with the influx of COVID patients.

Hubby is everywhere in the hospital, bolstering spirits with his dad jokes and positive attitude, acknowledged during the week by one of the Charge Nurses when she gave him an award and jelly beans as a gift. He is both pleased and embarrased. He pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket for me to read.

Since he started working at the hospital in 2018, I've heard the daily stories how, with his quick quips and silly stories, he puts stressed patients, their families at ease, making the medical staff laugh after a long day. He is happy to do lighten the load for a brief second as he wheels patients from one department to another, whether for dialysis, chemo or simply for x-rays.

He loves what he does and it shows. My hubby has always been good at putting people at ease, one of his super power gifts. He is also super fit walking about 10 kms or more every day.

Despite this he is not a pushover as some patients and staff have discovered. I sometimes cringe lol.

My light duties are over after Easter weekend and I am back to full time from Tuesday. My appointment with the fracture clinic on Wednesday will hopefully confirm that I can take off this Moonboot, hand back the crutches and shower chair.

Greg has been a star. He was literally doing everything in the beginning, but as my wrist heals and my leg is less sore I am able to do more.

We are very blessed in this country that we have ACC who look after us. I suppose it's a bit like the UK's National Insurance. They've paid the balance of my salary for the 22 hours per week that I am at home and supplied me with taxi chits so I can travel to and from work without depending on Greg. Although truthfully I've not really NOT worked as I have a work mobile and laptop at home.

There have been occasions that I have gone in to work simply for moral support which I think is very important, although I'm not much use to anyone with bruised wrist and broken ankle.

Well, hello there!

It's been a while since I blogged.

Life has been pretty full on over the last almost two years.

I'd like to say all of it was good, but it wasn't. More difficulties than something to smile about.

My job is still good. I'm paid very well and have received regular excellent increases. So this part of my life has been okay...except for the stress. Somehow instead of just being a team lead, it's slowly morphed into being a manager. The more you do, the more your expected to do. It took a while to recognise this.