Don't Lose that Number

This latest breakthrough has placed our relationship on a very different level, which of course it would.

After this past week's radical movement, I finally understand the song Stand Tall that I heard one morning. I now recognise that within I was losing the battle of faith on both on the work front, our relationship and probably a few other things I've not thought of.

Consciousness leap

In the last week or so, our lovemaking has taken a leap up into the realms of, for want of a better word, Universal.

Each time we make a leap in consciousness, our lovemaking takes a leap too.

Holding open the gateway

We meditated together on Saturday morning.

I could see the thousands of “sails” between us becoming one big sail. The stitching invisible as each sail was added, everything off white, as though a blank canvas.

Lessons learnt from Bitter Sweet Symphony of Life

I deleted the post The Bitter Sweet Symphony of Life.

Playing the blame game never serves to help anyone, it merely poisons the blamer.

I know this and yet I consented to play the blame game...silly me.

Creating the flow from with-in

Today, on reading Lisa Gawlas's latest blog, I came to understand the changes we are going through.

She has an amazing ability to define the undefined and put it into perspective, for which I thank her.

The changes over the last few weeks that I have been talking about (furniture and revamping) have been so effortless. Whatever I would think about would appear in an advert or in a shop, I'd simply pick it out and bring it home (or order it online).

Karezza/Tantra/Orgasmic Meditation

Through the years hubby and I have obviously done the conventional sex. We have also spent time doing the 'hot' version of tantra where you keep hitting the edge of an orgasm then cooling down and controlling it. You do this for ages before finally having an almighty orgasm...or several as the case may be. This is a state of DOing.

New ventures

I wrote a blog a while ago called Stop Wasting Time and Effort (on my other blog). This is what I wrote:

"I had a very bizarre experience the other night at work. I was trying to settle a patient on a respiratory machine but he was fighting it.

Change within the heart

On the second to last day we were in France, I started to feel very restless. It got worse and worse until finally I realised that it was the combined pull of the Earth and my Soul.

With a quick word to Mom and Greg, I dashed out of the chalet and headed for the forest. As I walked I could feel myself starting to relax.

Stop wasting time and effort

I had a very bizarre experience the other night at work. I was trying to settle a patient on a respiratory machine but he was fighting it.

Finally at 1 o'clock in the morning, full of despair, I sat looking at the screen, wandering what I could/should be doing, when I suddenly noticed something very odd. On closer inspection there seemed to be, what I thought was a woman wearing a pale bodysuit of some kind, crouched next to the bed. The infrared light makes everyone on camera look rather anonymous, so I couldn't be sure.

'She' looked up at the camera, with - what looked like - an agonised expression on her face.

Puzzled, I asked my colleague if she could see something on the screen.

"What?" she asked and stared at the screen in silence before saying, "Are you talking about those dust particles floating around?"

Um...no I wasn't. Those we'd been seeing for ages and they weren't dust particles...but that's another story.

I gathered from her response she couldn't see what I was seeing.

Has it come to this: Lingam vs Yoni worship?

 

I have changed this blog since I uploaded it yesterday, mostly because it didn't seem to flow very well. Haha...probably still doesn't!

There has been so much going on both within and externally, layers within layers within layers. I've been following little clues for some time along the way (not all of which I will document) which includes karezza contributing in no small way to the overall picture.

Ceremony

I've had to repost this as the previous blog had become corrupt whilst I was trying to replace the picture I'd drawn with the triquetra vesica.

My meditations lately feel like I am moving into a different reality, a type of lucid dreaming. After reading Celia Fenn’s Time Travel blogs I recognise what I am doing and have been doing for a while. Sometimes I am able to be both here and there at the same time, not having the ability quite yet to move fully into a different reality. I suppose I am still at the stage where I have the comfort of knowing I am fully anchored in this reality as I worry I might lose my way.

Ready or not - here we come

Je t'aime on the boardwalk to Monte Carlo

This is sort of a continuation of my previous blog posted on 27 Sept - Open and Vulnerable.

This past weekend has been quite intense. Today has been a chill out day of R&R.

Under the microscope - Part 2

Following on from Part 1

I am going to shorten this as there is too much I could write.


My attention was then brought to clothes shopping. I'm not a clothes shopper. My passion has always been books, although that has dropped to a trickle these days as I am more particular about what I purchase. As for clothes, I'd wear them until they were threadbare. As I simply couldn't be bothered to spend hours trying on things, I'd grab something after a few minutes of browsing, try it on and become despondent because it didn't look anything like I'd expected. Mostly I'd walk out and not buy anything. So yeah, clothes shopping and I are not great mates.

Under the microscope - Part 1

Now that hubby has firmly stepped into and is fully present in his masculine essence, I find myself on the back foot all the time. I'm not sure that I particularly like not being in charge. And yet ultimately this gives me the chance to be fully present and step into my feminine essence.

Relinquish control? Eh? Not on your nellie!

Like a kitten wary of a new toy

Experiencing love...being whole, complete and fully present (as much as possible) with deep love for, not only ourself but with another, is a rather daunting prospect. It is surrendering ourselves to the experience of being in love with everything. No boundaries, no restrictions, no holding back. Simply being love in a sea of love.

Yeesh! Who'da thought that being love could be so exhilarating and scary at the same time.

The gentleness, total acceptance and unconditional love I received on Saturday from hubby has turned out to be such a turn on for me (blog Metamorphosis). Who knew?

Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day?

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

To hell and back...

We celebrated 26 years of marriage yesterday. I can’t quite get my head around that figure. It doesn’t mean anything to me…it is merely a number.

 

Rather when I think about all we have been through, it is then that it makes sense and I can relate.

Valentine’s Day - to us it is a Day of Love rather than the commercialisation seen. It is a yearly celebration of the day when we declared our love for each other as witnessed by others. 

I have no idea why we settled on this day as the day of the exchange of vows. The numerology of that date equates to a 5 (the party number and one of change - oh my, how much changing and partying we have been through and done), although at the time I did not know anything about all of this metaphysical stuff.

Bridging the gap and the illusion

For years I could never figure out how meditation and sexuality fit together. 

Despite the practice of tantra, I could never quite ‘get it’. I knew much intellectually, but when it came to the true understanding from within, it wasn’t there. It simply confused me. How could I incorporate sex into meditation? How do we get from the BEing into the DOing without there being a definite line created when moving from one to the other?

It didn’t trouble me too much as I knew when the time was right I would find the answer. In the meantime I continued to experience them as two separate states. This may seem rather contradictory…but in spite of this, I still entered an altered state during love making. The separation and misunderstanding came from the mind which did not believe I could possibly be in both states at the same time whereas my body knew what was going on. There was no harmony.

The amazing and insightful energy of Fear

Over the last week I have developed a deep and resonant appreciation for the emotion of Fear.

It seems that the further we move into 2013, more and more layers are revealed. As each one is exposed, I find myself admiring the incredible alchemy of each emotion that is housed within me and my energy field.

I don’t expect everyone to understand what I mean…that is okay…it is simply an observation I can make today as I contemplate what has happened during these last 7 days.

Since the kundalini activation, fear has made itself known very strongly in my world. Initially I assumed it was hubby’s stuff, but that came back to bite me on the ass, didn’t it? How can I be quite so arrogant as to believe he is separate from me and therefore whatever happens to him has nothing to do with me? It has taken me this long week to understand.

To be or not to be

To be or not to be…that is the question!

Haha…

A few things that cropped up during my recent meditations, creating a frisson of recognition within me, was to do with why I am here. I’d always wondered what it was that I am supposed to do.

I’ve taught, counselled and helped many others on their way and yet over the last 4 years or so I’ve lost the need for this. I keep attempting half heartedly to resurrect it, but nada, nothing…which has puzzled me as the vooma has disappeared.