So, I go off at a tangent when I think I've figured out what is happening. But in reality it is just my mind putting everything in little boxes "believing" the outcomes.
I have done this so many times...and am still doing it.
It is no wonder my Soul keeps everything under wraps until there is no choice but to reveal it, cos I gotta do the physical stuff.
What have I done this time?
Well, I decided I wanted to leave here in December to fly to South Africa to spend time with our families. From there I was going to fly to Sydney to spend Christmas with my daughter and then we'd both fly to Auckland for a brief road trip before I started work.
Simple eh?
No, of course my plans are complicated and "fog" up the process so I cannot see. Because my plans don't come to fruition, I have a tantrum and throw my toys out the cot.
It "seems" that I am not to do any of that. With the long processing time of the South African police clearance and applying for the visa, I won't be getting to that side of the world until just before I start work, with maybe a brief holiday before hand. I cannot set foot in New Zealand before the new year.
But again, this is just my mind assuming what is going to happen, cos its gotta do something. Can't stand not being in control.
When I think back to 2012, I recall being adamant I did not want to study for my RPSGT. I could think of nothing more boring and dry. Teach me on the job, but theory...no way.
And yet, despite my strong resistance, at a time when I wasn't looking, I said YES.
My horror at doing that knew no boundaries. Eventually I sank into acceptance and got on with it.
I found it enjoyable at times, but mostly just wanted to get it over and done.
Then I realised YAY this would get me the necessary paperwork to get into Australia as our daughter, my nephew and his wife were willing us over there. So I went off at a galloping tangent do both study and find a way in. Every which way I turned, the door to Australia slammed shut.
Really!? What was that all about? In the desperation to get there I got myself so stressed and totally bent out of shape. I continued to search for a way in, despite my misgivings. I knew I was doing this for others and not for myself, but kept pushing and pushing.
Eventually I gave up, committed myself to my studies and staying in the UK. I passed the exam, became focused on getting myself up the rung at work and succeeded.
Oh goody, this is where I am meant to be.
Then wham out of the blue, the New Zealand job arrived, whacking me sideways into another reality. I went through the processes, not sure that this was where I'd land up.
Again it seems I am being moved into a position that has me kicking and screaming as I go along, and so to make myself comfortable and "in control" I make plans...which of course are not in the plans of my Soul.
Now I understand why I had to do the studies, cos without the letters behind my name, the door to New Zealand would never have opened. What this move means for me/us, I am not sure.
I keep feeling that I am returning "home" despite never having set foot in the country.
Amazing isn't it? We think we are in charge, but we're not.
I have done this so many times...and am still doing it.
It is no wonder my Soul keeps everything under wraps until there is no choice but to reveal it, cos I gotta do the physical stuff.
What have I done this time?
Well, I decided I wanted to leave here in December to fly to South Africa to spend time with our families. From there I was going to fly to Sydney to spend Christmas with my daughter and then we'd both fly to Auckland for a brief road trip before I started work.
Simple eh?
No, of course my plans are complicated and "fog" up the process so I cannot see. Because my plans don't come to fruition, I have a tantrum and throw my toys out the cot.
It "seems" that I am not to do any of that. With the long processing time of the South African police clearance and applying for the visa, I won't be getting to that side of the world until just before I start work, with maybe a brief holiday before hand. I cannot set foot in New Zealand before the new year.
But again, this is just my mind assuming what is going to happen, cos its gotta do something. Can't stand not being in control.
When I think back to 2012, I recall being adamant I did not want to study for my RPSGT. I could think of nothing more boring and dry. Teach me on the job, but theory...no way.
And yet, despite my strong resistance, at a time when I wasn't looking, I said YES.
My horror at doing that knew no boundaries. Eventually I sank into acceptance and got on with it.
I found it enjoyable at times, but mostly just wanted to get it over and done.
Then I realised YAY this would get me the necessary paperwork to get into Australia as our daughter, my nephew and his wife were willing us over there. So I went off at a galloping tangent do both study and find a way in. Every which way I turned, the door to Australia slammed shut.
Really!? What was that all about? In the desperation to get there I got myself so stressed and totally bent out of shape. I continued to search for a way in, despite my misgivings. I knew I was doing this for others and not for myself, but kept pushing and pushing.
Eventually I gave up, committed myself to my studies and staying in the UK. I passed the exam, became focused on getting myself up the rung at work and succeeded.
Oh goody, this is where I am meant to be.
Then wham out of the blue, the New Zealand job arrived, whacking me sideways into another reality. I went through the processes, not sure that this was where I'd land up.
Again it seems I am being moved into a position that has me kicking and screaming as I go along, and so to make myself comfortable and "in control" I make plans...which of course are not in the plans of my Soul.
Now I understand why I had to do the studies, cos without the letters behind my name, the door to New Zealand would never have opened. What this move means for me/us, I am not sure.
I keep feeling that I am returning "home" despite never having set foot in the country.
Amazing isn't it? We think we are in charge, but we're not.
